Common Grief Emotions: Guilt
Common grief emotions are hard and painful, which most of us would rather avoid. Difficult emotions are a part of grief that can't be avoided. Making room for our grief (the good, bad, and ugly) is necessary for healing. In fact, turning toward these tricky emotions actually decreases their intensity and leads to a better understanding of ourselves.
Join me here as I outline some common yet messy grief emotions. Today is all about guilt. If you are grieving and experiencing strong emotions, know you don't have to navigate this process alone. Connect with me to start your healing journey with personalized grief coaching!
Grief Guilt
Guilt is a common yet painful emotion for grievers that can show up in a few different ways. One way guilt can show up is as blame. Sometimes we blame ourselves for being alive and healthy, or we blame ourselves for what we "should have" or "shouldn't have" done around death. Guilt can also show up as a response to lighter or happy feelings while grieving. Maybe your moment of hope feels like a betrayal to your loved one. However guilt shows up for you know that guilt is normal in grief.
Top Tips For Managing Guilt
Acknowledge Rather Than Resist
You're already feeling this emotion; there's no point in struggling against it! Naming and labeling guilt is less work and lowers the intensity. If you feel afraid to "lean in" to painful feelings, rest assured that feelings don't last forever. Emotions come and go; there will always be a new one on deck after this one passes.
Embrace The Messy Mix Of Grief Emotions
Many of us struggle with happiness and hope moments when grieving, as if we have to be in pain 24/7 to be "doing it right." However, it's not that black and white. You can be full of grief and have a fleeting moment of joy. A range of emotions is part of your recovery. The "good" emotions are necessary for your healing; the "bad" emotions are necessary for your healing too!
Focus On What's In Your Control
Grief often makes us feel out of control, and guilt emotions sometimes lead to rumination on the past. You can't change what happened, but there are options for you to care for yourself in the present moment.
Give Yourself Some Love
Grief is a stressful time! It tends to wear us down and is one of the hardest things we will ever go through. Grief lasts longer than any of us hope or expect, so it's critical to have some self-care along the way. Self-care around grief guilt can be gentle reminders that you don't have to be perfect - no one is!
Message To Grief Supporters
A side note for friends and family supporting grievers: Often, when grievers share their feelings of guilt, they are told, "don't feel bad!" Instead of experiencing the intended relief, grievers often feel dismissed. You can't fix their pain, but you can listen and validate their feelings. Validating their emotions offers real relief as it decreases the intensity of their feelings.
Takeaway
Guilt is a common emotion experienced in grief. Instead of resisting, spend your energy acknowledging your emotional experience with self-compassion. None of us get it right all the time, and that's okay! Navigating tricky emotions is a skill you can learn; connect with me for personalized grief coaching.
