How To Support Your Grieving BFF
Grief literacy is important.
Earlier this summer, I was invited to speak to the women of the Junior League of Nashville (JLN). I was thrilled because JLN is committed to self-development and helping others. I knew talking about grief literacy would be perfect for this group, not only because the women of JLN are dedicated to personal and professional growth but also because grief literacy is something so many of us lack.
When I lost my parents and sister in my 20s, I wished some of the people around me had more grief literacy! I can remember feeling so disconnected from my peers. I felt like no one knew what to say or how to act around me anymore. I had some lovely people who really tried, but the sad reality is that we live in a society that doesn't know how to deal with grief. So, I’m going to share with you what I shared with the ladies of JLN to help you become a better grief supporter!
Knowing where to start is the hardest part.
Knowing where to start is hard because each person experiences grief differently. As hard as it can feel, making an effort to support your grieving BFF is important. I don’t remember the exact words people said to me when I was grieving, but I do remember who made an effort to be there for me!
This blog post isn't a fail-proof guide. I can't tell you exactly what your grieving BFF needs to hear, but I will help you self-reflect to become a better grief supporter! Understanding how you respond to grief is key to getting closer to the Right Words.
What kind of Grief Supporter Are You?
Grief Supporter: The Fixer
The Fixer is that friend who always wants to make everything better. When you have a question, she has the answer - or at least knows exactly where to find it. This friend excels in a crisis and is always on top of her game. The Fixer doesn't like feeling powerless and often tries too hard to "make it all better" regarding grief. However, the one thing your grieving BFF wants the most is her loved one back. No matter how hard you try, you can't fix it, and your best friend doesn't expect you to. She just wants you to show up.
If your friend is going through a tough time, don’t feel like you have to have all the answers. Instead of constantly giving advice or trying to find solutions, focus on being there for your bestie. Just listen when she needs to talk or vent and remember that simply being there for her is incredibly helpful.
Grief Supporter: The Ghoster
The Ghoster is the friend who will "put the ball in your court." This friend might say, "Let me know if you need anything," and then wait for the griever to reach out. They believe the griever will ask for help, but let's be real - it's tough to ask for help when things aren't going well. Plus, admitting things suck is hard, and grievers can be sensitive about their grief. They don't want to be a burden, so it's hard for them to bring up their grief if no one is asking.
If your bestie is having a tough time, don't wait for her to reach out. Set a reminder on your phone to check in regularly. Even if she's not very responsive, keep showing support and letting her know you're there for her. A simple “I’m thinking about you today” text message will go a long way!
Grief Supporter: The Tiptoer
The Tiptoer is like the peacekeeper friend. They're easygoing and don't want to stir up any trouble. They care a lot about their grieving BFF but worry too much about saying the wrong thing or making her sad. Because of this, they avoid their friend’s grief to avoid any potential discomfort. But you won't upset your grieving BFF by checking in on her! Losing her loved one made her upset, not you!
Instead of worrying if you're making your friend sad, offer her a chance to talk about her grief. Don't avoid the topic or change the subject if she gets sad. You don't have to pretend everything is fine because it's not. It's okay for your friend to be sad.
Takeaway
When supporting your grieving BFF, remember that you've got this! Don't overthink it; just reach out. She's your BFF, and she really needs you right now. And hey, nobody's perfect. If you mess up, say sorry and try to understand what your friend needs from you.
Do you envy the women of JLN and dream of having me speak to your group or business? Well, your dreams can come true! Just fill out this form, and let's make it happen!
If you're hungry for more knowledge on grief, join The Grief Club today! The Grief Club is a free membership platform where you can get relatable grief support to help you continue learning how to be a better supporter. In The Grief Club, you can submit your grief-related questions for a chance to be answered by The Grief Girlie! Can’t wait to see you there!
